Awkward Talks

I think there are three types of conversations:

Surface, Deep, & Awkward

Surface conversations are those that remain, playful, polite, or benign.

Deep conversations are start to uncover feelings & emotions and have the potential to build trust and connection.

Awkward talks are those that are necessary but not necessarily desired.  You know, the ones that set boundaries, address conflicts, or seek to help navigate challenging circumstances and decisions.

Awkward talks like….

• Performance reviews

• Talking with your kids about sex, drugs, & rock n’roll (ok maybe not rock n’roll…that’s deep :)

• Relationship conflicts

• Moving on  (from a job, role, or person)

• Physical or Mental Health concerns

• Racism & White Privilege

• Death & Grief

• Coming out as LGBTQ

• Difference in politics or religion

What often makes these conversations so awkward, is that we avoid having them in the first place. 

We wait until there is an issue or until there is something we need to react to. 

We stay in a constant state of awkwardness hoping it will go away.

And it doesn’t.

So- here is what I think:

I think we need to carve out time for awkward talks with the people we work with, live with, or love.  

Developing this practice of awkward talks sets the wheels in motion for strengthening communication and ultimately connection.

Here are some tips for proactively planning for “awkward talks”:

1. Make a list of all the conversations you don’t want to have (and with whom)

2. Think about how you might make these conversations proactively playful!  Awkward talks bingo?  Jeopardy?  Some great reward after?

3. Get everyone on board with a regular space and time to commit.

In our family, we have a Sunday planning meeting for the week and we’ve now added a 5 minute “awkward talks” to the agenda. 

We are committed to setting a timer and only tackling the awkward topic for 5 minutes…..to minimize squirming.  The intention is to build trust, openness, transparency in our family.  To demonstrate each week that we can handle hard topics and hard situations and that by leaning in, they don’t have to be so hard.

When I was the Executive Director of a non-profit, I encouraged the Board to always include an Executive Session without me on the agenda, so that they could proactively discuss and address any topics or concerns on a regular basis.

When I work with businesses and teams, we talk about group dynamics and how “storming” is very much part of becoming a high performing team.  Creating space for these awkward talks to address these storms (proactively) is crucial. 

So…

What do you think?

How does this land on you?

What awkward talks have you been avoiding in your life?

Do you have ideas for how to have more awkward talks at home or at work?

I love what Brene’ Brown says:

”stay awkward, brave, and kind “

It seems like awkward talks might just be a strategy for all three :)

Happy Friday,

Jen